The Squirrels Nuts

[Rebus]

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END




THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and
starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table
laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while
others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of
GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a
cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a
multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate
tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the
charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The squirrels's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court
and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court
the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially
mobile. The squirrels food is siezed and re distributed to the more needy
members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to
Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival
they tried to blow up the airport because of Britains apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and
attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return
them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would
face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money
from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrels's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council
house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain
the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is
blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to
get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of
the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he
has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the
obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers
representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are
praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity
and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of
despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United
Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their
credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and
order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a
shortfall in government funds.


THE END

[kach]

Hey Rebus,

Just to show you how unversal all thinking is here is the Canadian version of the same story.

I guess no matter where you live all things are similar.

Kach

THE STORY


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE CANADIAN MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate like him are cold and starving. CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The New Democratic Party, the Canadian Auto Workers and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavat with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." Svend Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the US and starts a successful agribiz company. The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose. The Toronto Star blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of migrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorize the community.

Here is an update to it as well

posted by Lynn

Well I was inspired and quickly wrote this version, which I sent to Charles Adler via email.


There was an ant and a grasshopper. The ant worked hard all her life and enjoyed a house, a car, vacations and although she lived a modest lifestyle, she counted on her job as a teacher of little ants to pay for her car, home and vacations. She was very, very happy because she had everything she needed. She and all the other ants around her formed a colony of happy ants.

Beside the ant colony lived a colony of grasshoppers. They played all summer long with each other and occasionally, ants who came to hang out with the grasshoppers because they knew that all work and no play was dull, dull, dull. When winter came, the grasshoppers who had played all summer long were left without a home. They all froze and died.

Meanwhile, all winter long, the ants who had worked hard during the summer lived in their nice, warm houses and ate their fill. When summer came, they worked and worked some more and maintained their lifestyle. They thrived.

Until one ant got sick. The same ant who had enjoyed working hard and preparing for the future, was now unable to work. She lost her home, her savings and the other ants turned on her and called her lazy. They kicked her out to live with the grasshoppers who only lived a summer but knew how to had fun. She had nowhere else to turn.

With no job, no home, exhausted and sick, the ant comtemplated what she'd do. She'd seen people called the NDP offering help on the CBC station. She went to the NDP for help. The told her to vote for them and to sign a list. And to apply for disability insurance. She did and was given enough money to have a car battery, but no car, and no home. And no money was left for the expensive treatment she needed to survive her condition.

So the ant, surrounded by fun loving grasshoppers, breathed her last breath and died.

Meanwhile, the other ants continued to take care of themselves and were very, very happy. They continued to scoff at the fun loving grasshoppers. And they ignored the other ants who had died because they became unable to work.

But guess what is missing from this tale of wealth and woe? The reason why the ant got sick in the first place.

It was from chemicals that the other ants used to keep grasshoppers away from their homes and garages. That sad part is that they were poisoning themselves while thinking they were just keeping their homes free of pesky, lazy grasshoppers. They didn't know better.

The moral of this story: If you're an ant, don't poison other ants who will have to hang with grasshoppers. If you're a grasshopper, party on because a short life can be a good life. Or, take some time to work and prepare for the future. The ants can teach you gow to do this. And, do accept the ants who do come to visit. They need to learn how to have fun. And whether you're an ant, grasshopper or even a butterfly or beetle, keep your eyes open for cats who like to eat bugs. They don't really like the taste of bugs. Nor do they need them for food. They just like to play with them.

[Rebus]

lol very good Kach